Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
