you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
