i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come on in and take your pants off
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