Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
