the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
