Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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