Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Floor bacon is actually really good
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
