Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
