My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
