he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
