Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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