if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
