Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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