bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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