I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
