Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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