so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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