Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
