best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
