he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
