Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
