I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
