The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
