Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
