who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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