If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
