He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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