I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
