I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
