we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
