$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
