Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
