Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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