his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
