the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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