I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
