Where is the hickey?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
