Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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