O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
