I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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