i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
