i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
