We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
