dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
