Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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