Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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