I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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