Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
