tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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