Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
