he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
