dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
