There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There are leaves in my underwear?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
