You don't have asthma, your pregnant
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
