More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize