he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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