i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
