Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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