a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
