I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
