I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
