Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
