he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We left the knife in your bed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize