I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize