Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
