I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
