Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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