he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
