No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
