dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
