The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
