Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
