soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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