cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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