no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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