i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
